Young Geoffrey (ed_rex) wrote,
Young Geoffrey

In the Begining, Part I: I Started Out ...

With a pointless apology to Bill Cosby's in his brief, funny era, Young Geoffrey started out as a zygote. He suffered stoically through an uneventful gestatory incarceration, though for reasons never satisfactorily explained, his parole from the womb was delayed nearly a full two weeks beyond the customary 9 months.

His mother was an unusual woman. A writer of pornographic paperbacks in the 1950s, she turned her literary guns on the nascent tabloid industry in the 1960s and helped to usher in the world of faked photos of dead celebrities that we know and love today.

By the time Young Geoffrey was 4 or 5, and was coming to comprehend that there was a world outside the confines of childhood, Mum had branched out into the realm of puzzle books and returned to her first love, radio. Young Geoffrey remembers listening to her during the Christmas season as she played Mrs. Claus, and is proud to re-tell the story of the time one of the Hull Brothers advised her he would separate her from her teeth at the Montreal Forum. Mum was dressed in full witch's garb - black cloak and pointy hat - and was positioned right behind the visitors' penalty box, where she cackled and pronounced, "A hex on you!" at any among the enemy so unlucky as to find themselves paying for their sins.

Apparently, Mr. Hull did not appreciate this treatment whislt warming his buttocks and Mum - being a wise woman as well as a witch - decided that discretion was the better part of valour and refrained from bestowing (out loud) any further curses upon the ominous Mr. Hull. (Nevertheless nos Canadiens went on to win the Stanley Cup that year; to this day, scholars debate the significance of Young Geoffrey's mother's contributions to the cause.)

Next up: Old Dad.

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