"All right," I said. "Roll it up."
I made the mistake of having a toke. And a toke. And a toke. Enjoyed it.
And today, on my final break at the office, stopped in at a corner store and bought a pack of smokes - Players Light, Kings, 'natch.
I've smoked half a pack since then. And - god damn it - I like it.
Fuck. Now, I've got to quit all over again. Will it be as hard tomorrow as it was a week-and-a-half ago? I fear it will be. Worse, I fear, I will just give up and buy another pack when I awake.
Meanwhile, I just spoke with Siya (the ex, for those of you - *is* anyone reading this?) a few minutes ago. She thinks she may be pregnant (yes, the new guy), and I haven't heard from her. Asked how she's doing. She hasn't gone to a doctor yet, says she will next week.
Why do I care? Why does it still hurt so much? Especially since, intellectually, I don't even want her back (or to take me back, since she dumped jme).
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
Broken heart, cigarettes still controlling me ...
I don't hate life, but I'm not very happy right now.
I miss Siya ...