Young Geoffrey (ed_rex) wrote,
Young Geoffrey
ed_rex

[from my-diary.com] She's Gone ...

I feel stunned, in a way.

Siya left this morning, off to see her mother, then up to Thunder Bay for her graduation, then off (maybe) to the UK or China - it may be 2 or 3 months before we see each other again.

There is no getting around the fact I am madly in love with her, crazy about her. Christ, I'm even carrying her picture around in my wallet - something I've never done for anyone before.

And still, I've known her in person for less than 4 weeks.

But maybe that's enough. Those 23, 24 days were among the most intense - and certainly the most close-quartered - I have spent with any lover.

Typically I am a loner, need my space and time, yet very seldom felt crowded when S was around (which was, just about, always). Instead, I just fell more and more in love with each morning's kiss, with each night I found her waiting for me to return from work.

She wants to go to the UK this summer, a real vacation before she starts that awful switch from student to worker. I want her to go, too, in my head.

But every selfish part of me wants her to come HOME, to stay with me, to grow old with me. And my insecurities wonder if she will still say "I love you", after a month or two or three away and out in the wide and exciting world.

I am torn between weepy self-pity and uproarious elation - this wonderful girl is going away (but) she says she loves me and will be coming back ...

Lord, if feels good to feel again with such intensity. I will do my best to enjoy it while it lasts (and try my best to prepare for the possibility she won't feel on her return as she did when we kissed goodbye this morning).
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