April 9th, 2002

I haven't aged a bit

[from my-diary.com] Foolish Boy

I am a man who can give very good advice when asked, but I am not so good at taking it, whether or not I have asked myself for it.

Early - very early, dawn was only just starting to turn the sky from black to pink - last Saturday, following a relatively early evening with Vern at my local watering hole, I spent something like 6 hours on the phone with a young woman in Thunder Bay, someone whom I have never met.

Yes, I am playing in one of the most perilous fields of interpersonal dealings known to 21st century humanity: the long-distance e-relationship.

Yes, Thunder Bay to Toronto is a long drive - something like 20 hours, straight through (and that's by car, not bicycle). However, Siya is planning to move here at the end of the school year.

And I have offered her a place to stay.

Have I mentioned we haven't met in person? Have I mentioned she is 16 years younger than I am? Have I mentioned she is concerned enough about height to ask about mine (she's got about 3 inches on me), but not enough so as to cut things off?

The logical part of me is doing some kind of awkward, you-fool-what-are-you-getting-yourself-into dance, and strongly urging that I reconsider.

What if we are not attracted to each other? Worse, what if I am attracted to her (as I am pretty sure - though not certain; I have seen photos, but you never know for sure about the chemistry) but she isn't attracted to me? What if we don't even *like* one another?

We're looking at something like two weeks in fairly close quarters ...

My romantic side, on the other hand, says, "What the hell? Where's your sense of adventure, Young Geoffrey?" And adds, "If it doesn't work out sexually or romantically, she can sleep on the couch. You never know about people for sure, but she certainly doesn't *seem* like someone who is
going to clear your place out, or burn it down, while you're away at the office."

Well. I don't think I am about to tell her to forget about it, but at the same time, I am worried. Not just that things won't work out, but about the possibility that she may have already "fallen in love" with me, while I certainly haven't fallen that hard for her.

Why then, the invitation?

I guess I'm hoping her sparks will start my own.

Bloody hell. I do like her company, so far. I wasn't bored during that 5-hour telephone conversation. But I do worry about those who feel, faster and (possibly) more deeply than I do. I'm worried that she will get hurt; and maybe the age-gap is making me more sensitive than I should be.

After all, she is an adult, isn't she?

(I should probably be expressing these concerns to her, not to whatever random voyeurs may happen to be reading this inchoate collection of self-involved verbiage.)