Young Geoffrey (ed_rex) wrote,
Young Geoffrey
ed_rex

Extra! Food Consumption Up, Alcohol Down

Statistics Younggeoffrey reports a sharp increase in restaurant sales as the citizens of Younggeoffrey appear to have gone on a collective eating binge. Meanwhile, reports suggest that bars languish empty and Liquor Control Board of Youngeoffrey reports lowered sales.

"We're government employees," when Liquor Store clerk declared sadly. "We're not used to just sitting around, doing nothing."

Dr. Joyce Killpeter of the Lung Institute for Freedom of Choice said the decrease in alcohol sales and the sharp increase in the sale of food is not surprise to her. "People need pleasure in their lives," she said. "I believe it is a form of masochism." Admitting that smoking isn't necessarily good for one's physical health, she said it is a question of balancing necessary evils.

"What do you want?" she asked. "A nation of happy smokers who cough a little, or a nation of self-loathing porkers chowing down on left-over chicken balls?"

Dr. Killpeter, probably best known for The Killpeter Report on Male Sexuality published to wide-spread acclaim in the early 1980s, in which she first noted the fact that men have secret castration fantasies, expects the over-eating to continue as long as "that nanny-government, the Brain, dares to dictate pleasure for the rest of us."

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