(Staff - Younggeoffrey)
Normally rivals for leadership of the Breathing Classes, the leaders of the Left and Right Lung today announced they are joining forces, "Against the Brain and his ragtag band of fellow-travellers," said Right Lung at a large, but peaceful rally against the Brain's recent decision to ban the import of Weapons of Self-Destruction.
In a joint statement, the Lungs argued that cigarettes are not weapons at all, but rather, Instruments of Mass Pleasure, and necessary for a smoothly-functioning body politic.
"Without pleasure," Left Lung wondered in an exclusive interview, "what would we be? Nothing but feet walking, blood pumping, skin sweating - in short, nothing but slaves to the brain, with no reason to live.
"With pleasure comes leisure," Left Lung continued, and the freedom to decide one's own fate."
Younggeoffrey's brain scoffed at such claims, deriding them as the sophistry of an immoral elite, "Which has enslaved the whole body politic for their own gain - or rather, for their own percieved. Cigarettes, these Weapons of Self-Destruction, will destroy the Lungs as surely as they will the rest of us."
The Lungs, however, maintained that they are only defending the constitutional rights. "Yes," we're looking at our legal options," Right Lung acknowledged. "If the pressure of the people doesn't force this government to acknowledge the constitution, we'll look to the Courts.
"If the Brain doesn't want to smoke, that's fine, we won't try to force it to and never have; same goes for the feet or the skin or the blood.
"We'll sue if we have to," he concluded.
The Brain had no direct response, but muttered, "Let the bastards sue," then excused himself for an emergency Cabinet Meeting.
Back out on the streets, this reporter saw no overt signs of trouble, but noticed that there were fewer people out and about than normal and that those who were, did not often look one another in the eye and hurried to their destinations without stopping.
Anti-government graffitti has been appearing faster than the White Blood Cells can clean it off. "Smoking is a choice, breating is an addiction!" was one of the most common.
It seems clear the battle is only now being joined for the soul of the nation of Younggeoffrey; who will be the ultimate victor? In this reporter's view, it is far too soon to tell.