i'm really sorry to hear that, geoff :(
if you want to talk over drinks, i will try to be as good of a listener as you were for me when i broke up with dave.
2006-07-15 05:36 pm (UTC)
Me Too ...
Thanks, KT. I've actually been meaning to contact you about that drink ever since the Olympics ended but, as I think I said in my post, I've been too stressed-out to make much of an effort to reach out to people.
I'd love to.
I don't really have any experience in consoling friends after break ups, since none of my friends have had relationships as close as the one between you and Laura. All I can say is that I'm sorry it ended so badly for you, and I really hope you find happiness again.
I'm looking forward to reading your posts again - I've also been gone from LJ-land for the past few months.
2006-07-15 05:39 pm (UTC)
No Consolation Required
There really isn't anything anyone could say that would help - only time and distractions will do that. But thanks for your kind thoughts.
You really have been gone from LJ for a long time, by the way. I recall it had already been a long time when I dropped off the map. I hope you're doing well - are you still in Thailand>
I'll be in Thailand until mid-August, and then it's off to the land of sausages and beer. Yay! Over the past few months, I've been terribly busy with exams, graduating, saying goodbye to people I'd known for over ten years, so I never got around to posting... and the longer you don't post, the more things you have to update about, and then you just end up putting it off, until you have even more to post about. It's a vicious cycle.
2006-07-16 09:54 pm (UTC)
Re: No Consolation Required
"...and the longer you don't post, the more things you have to update about ..."
I know what that's all about. And I can only imagine that you have been extremely busy. Do you intend to return to Thailand some day, or is this an entirely new stage in your life?
Regardless (and though I'm sorry you didn't end up at a university in Canada), I look forward to reading your impressions of Europe in the months and years ahead.
Everything happens at exactly the right time for exactly the right reasons. Maybe when it stops hurting you'll be able to see the silver lining :)
I've never managed to believed that (after all, how do you explain the Holocaust with that philosophy?), but in this case, I think you're right. And in any event, I appreciate the sentiment - thanks.
Oh shit, I'm sorry! I really should know better. (In fact I do know better. Mea culpa.
Ah geeky humor :P
Just trying to put a smile on your face today.
And you succeeded admirably. :)
You have my empathy, more for the process of the loss, than the loss itself, because in the end, the latter is the easy part.
I hope for sunnier skies in your world, and it's good to see you back on Livejournal.
Thanks - I really do seem to be holding up remarkably well, all things considered. And I'm glad to be back.
I'm sorry Geoff, I know how much she meant to you once upon a time. Misery is misery, though, and if you're unhappy, you were right to stop it.
2006-07-16 09:04 pm (UTC)
The More I Think About It ...
... the more I realize I should have stopped it quite some time ago. Love may not be blind, but it sure as hell can blind me.
I'm sad for you. There is no easy way to live through a break-up like that, you just have to shuffle through, but it's lousy for a bit. Hang in there.
I've missed your posts. I hope you'll stick around for a bit.
2006-07-16 09:06 pm (UTC)
So far (and it's really early days, of course), I am feeling much better than I would have ever dreamed I might. Maybe this time, since I do know how easily I can fall into a pit of self-pity, I'll just keep on going.
And I do intend to become a regular here again. Thanks for waiting.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that! I wondered if your protracted absence was rooted in something upsetting. Wish I hadn't been right.
2006-07-16 09:07 pm (UTC)
I Wish So Too
The funny thing is, if you'd asked me if the stresses from our problems were what was keeping me away, I'd have said, without any doubts, "No, absolutely not." So much for my vaunted self-knowlede.
Glad to hear you're writing again, Young Geoffrey. Best wishes.
2006-07-16 09:56 pm (UTC)
Thank You, Ma'am
Writing, asking a pretty waitress to dinner, I'm feeling shaky but optimistic.
I was just thinking of you the other day and wondering where you'd gone to. I'm sorry for the pain you are going through right now. Sorry, no words of wisdom from me, but I hope you are able to find some peace in your writing.
2006-07-16 09:58 pm (UTC)
Once her stuff is out of here (tomorrow, I hope), I like to think that having my office be my office again will help.
I'm so sorry, Geoff. All I can say is that things will get better eventually, and you'll be able to look at what made you love her and not all of the pain towards the end.
But until then, there's beer.
*hugs and such*
Yes, the fruit of the hop has been a very helpful comfort to me this week - though not, a couple of nights, to Laura's cellphone.
Are you still working in my area? If so, we should quaff a pint at Java again.
Oddly enough you two crossed my mind earlier this week after having inadvertantly spotting you last week (I believe twas...). This morning I was looking at my friends list and thought, wonder if they're ok.
Im very sorry to have my questions answered sometimes.
*insert typical sentimental-comment-bouncing-off-your-"its ok" shield here*
2006-07-16 02:52 am (UTC)
Re: Six Degrees of Separation?
Where did you spot us? Why didn't you say hello? (I still sometimes kick myself for not taking you up on your offer to make us dinner.)
I'd seen you actually about a week ago when I was heading to Drake Hotel. I was at Queen/Bathurst area. Again, I am not sure if it was you, but sure looked alot like you!
As for the dinnner - well i didn't want to say but....
Don't worry - you shall party hearty soon I predict.
2006-07-20 03:19 am (UTC)
Re: Six Degrees of Separation?
It certainly could have been me - I work at Queen and Spadina and, over the past couple of months, have been spending far too much time on the patio at Java.
Was I on a bike? Walking? And why didn't you say hello?
You were walking and yes it would have been heading in the direction of Queen Spadina. There are many reasons I could say as to why I didn't say hi - something sophisticated and non-trivial, but the truth is ;
= just wasn't sure!
= looked horrible that day
Vain but true. Bad day. =)
Next time though! I shall carry a costume like womder woman and do the quick change thing. or I could just not care and say Hi. lol
Im normally at Horseshoe though.
2006-07-23 01:04 am (UTC)
Re: Six Degrees of Separation?
It certainly could have been me.
Next time, take the chance - even if you *do* look "horrible". I like a short skirt and well-turned ankle (whatever the hell the latter half of that sentence means) as much as the next straight, single and heterosexual guy, but I am even more concerned with the *person*, not whether or not her hair is Lake Ontario fresh (er, or whatever, better, metaphor you prefer).
Meanwhile, on what nights and at what times might I "stumble" upon you at the Horseshoe?
i missed reading your posts, even though, i myself had a bit of a livejournal hiatus. granted, i too have been through a bit of a breakup myself and through it all, i realized that myself hadn't been writing as often as i would have liked to, and that situation reinspired me...as does biking for an hour and a half most days to...put things in perpective.
2006-07-16 09:46 pm (UTC)
Breakups and Hiatuses(sp?)
Sorry to hear about your own romantic disaster, Kate. And thanks for your kind words - I'm looking forward to getting re-acquainted with your journal again, too.
You and I virtually *befriended* each other at a point earlyish on with you and Laura where life was very, very intense, and have had little communication since, so I hope you'll bear with my commenting now, knowing so little.
From the sparse bit I saw, the relationship was volatile, passionate, but from my uneducated vantage point - unlikely to be long term. All judgements aside, the simple fact that you're already writing (short stories! YEAH!) is a sign of intellectual AND emotional health and I raise my glass to you for picking up the pen instead of the remote, battlestar aside.
I've been through breakups and plain and simple: they suck. Write as much as you can, wherever you can. The voice inside your head will keep you better company than you ever imagined. Here's to a summer and fall - and life - of surprises, around the corner, down the bend.
2006-07-16 09:40 pm (UTC)
Bearing and Bearing Up
It's true, we've seldom communicated directly with one another, but I certainly don't mind you commenting now.
It's true, with a 22 year age-gap to start things off, the odds were against the relationship lasting - some might say 27 months is pretty remarkable in itself. Still, it might have lasted, if Laura had really wanted it to, if she had been willing to put in the work non-exploitative relationships require. But she wouldn't or couldn't, and - in retrospect - that made an ending inevitable.
Anyway, I do intend to fill my time with "real" writing (not to mention writing here from time to time), along with some serious skirt-chasing (if you'll pardon the archaism) - I want to have some fun, damn it!
Hi Geoff, I'm sorry to hear that.
Whether you were expecting it to last forever or not, breaking up still hurts like hell.
I don't really know you (outside of LJ) but I did used to enjoy reading your posts, and look forward to seeing you writing more online.
2006-07-20 03:27 am (UTC)
Expecting it to last forever makes the shock of termination that much more ... well, shocking. I am finding though (on Day 8, so take it with a grain of salt), that feeling angry, instead of hurt, seems to make it much more easy to deal with. At least for me.
Right now, I feel kind of the way I did when I got beat up. I made some mistakes, someone took advantage and hit me, but I can (I think) just pick myself up and carry on with my life.
Obviously, I don't know you outside of LJ either (though I've thought of you, and the possibility of meeting up for a beer or something when I've been in Ottawa), but I'm pleased that you are on my friends' list, because I like your posts, too.
Sorry to hear about the break-up. These things are never pretty.
Glad you are back. I was more tempted to "Nudge" you than drop you from my FL.
Good luck with getting back out there and dating.
2006-07-20 03:30 am (UTC)
I sometimes think that "nudging" is a more mature way of dealing with an LJ friend's silence than dropping - but I have more than once been guilty of the latter.
Thanks for the good wishes. If "my" waitress hasn't found another job, she has to be working tomorrow - and I really want to tell her I remember that I asked her out for dinner. (I'm not counting on a "Yes" - though I would be delighted to get it - but to never get an answer would be far worse than a "No".)
Well, Geoffrey, firstly let me tell you that I am sorry for what has ttranspired here. Let me also say that you are certainly not deserving of this, and I hope you can find the strength to get through it.
I think you will get through this. I know that everything may seem really bad right now and the pain is hard to deal with.. but with each day that passes by, there will be a little positive growth in your feelings and before you know it, a miss will be knocking at your front door once again. Give yourself time, though, because time gives you the perspective you'll need to establish future relationships.
2006-07-20 03:34 am (UTC)
No, I guess not. I knew the relationship was long odds going on, but the way it ended was pretty harsh.
But I do have the strength to get through it (thank you). Live is too short to let anger or bitterness poison one's soul.
As for time, I just want to have some fun. Now. I'm not expecting or offering commitment (though I won't entirely rule out the possibility), but I sure as hell want to get out into the world again.
2006-07-25 08:11 am (UTC)
Crappy! I'm glad you're back though. I was also wondering what was up, hoping it was good news. You will triumph!
In your internets absence, I made plans to visit Ottawa, Aug. 15 to 22. Mike and I land in Toronto for an hour - 1 pm to 2:05 pm. It's a Tues. You're probably working, no? Otherwise, I wonder if we could take a later flight out of TO? Is that even something to consider? Is the TO airport hours from where you live/hang out? Or maybe you like to visit your Dad?! We're staying in Ottawa during the week, but going to a cousin's picnic in Peterborough on the weekend.
Lots of love,
2006-07-30 12:03 am (UTC)
Re: travellin' around
Shit, I just cancelled a two-week vacation that would have encompassed your plans. The Toronto airport is a good hour out of downtown. But my ex-sister-in-common law and my neice live in Peterborough; I might be able to make it on the weekend. If nothing else, we might be able to catch up at the lovely Only Cafe.
Yes. Let's figure something out. I can probably get a couple of extra days off.