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Bif! Bam! Pow! (Thursday, Bloody Thursday) - The Annals of Young Geoffrey: Hope brings a turtle [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Young Geoffrey

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Bif! Bam! Pow! (Thursday, Bloody Thursday) [Feb. 6th, 2006|10:30 am]
Young Geoffrey
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Adventures On Rib Night


I was on my back while the man loomed above me, raining blow after blow on my face and head. In vaid, I struggled to block his fists, to find some leverage with which I might stop him. My efforts went nowhere, and I felt my glasses sink into my flesh. Blood dripped into my eyes and still the bastard pummelled me. My right lens shattered and more blood flowed.

It wasn't supposed to end that way.

Thursday night rib night at the Cadillac Lounge have become an obsession for Laura and a rival for my affections. I had joined her, and her friend MC, for ribs and beer and conversation, and we enjoyed all three pleasures.

At some point as the evening waxed on, a drunken lout joined the table of six next to us and proceded to bore and bully them until he had driven them away.

Then he turned to us and dragged his chair over. "No," I told him, adding with my notorious diplomatic applomb, "Bugger off!"

He didn't. And, apparently (this is the only part of the evening I don't recall; no doubt some kind of inner self-justification mechanism), I shoved him, to make the point explicit. The next thing I knew, he had knocked my ass over the proverbial tea-kettle and was astride me, pounding my face almost at will.

Adults hit a lot harder than kids and I really felt each and every punch. I knew I was in trouble, and I wasn't finding any way to help myself, as he landed thudding blow after thudding blow. I was worried about loosing my teeth, but I should have been worried about losing an eye, or worse.




He probably wailed on me for 30 seconds, all told. Beyond my occasional field of vision, Laura had not been standing idly by like some shrieking moll in a second-rate movie.

Not my sweetheart, no way.

She grabbed his hoodie and tightened it around his neck, choking him enough to haul him off me, then hand him off to the staff who at that point had arrived to investigate the fallen tables and chairs.

She pulled me to my feet and examined the damage. "Holy shit," I said shakily, as my hand came away from my face, covered with blood.

"Hospital," said Laura. "Now." She found my glasses, including a very sharp shard from my right lens, possibly the one that would soon result in 6 stitches over my right eye. Amazingly, the left lens and the frames were still intact, and I donned them, keeping the left eye closed.


My heroine


With the cool competence of an experienced triage nurse, she got me outside and to a cab (though she acquiesced and accompanied me down to the bathroom first; I had to pee something awful) and thence to our local hospital.

Within a couple of hours I was stitched up and on my way home. I was strangely phlegmatic about the incident, laughing more than cursing (though secretly embarassed to have failed so badly at fisticuffs "front of my girl"). By 4:30 we were in bed and, somehow, I was only an hour late for work.

Oh Say Can You See?


After an hour or so at the office I realized there was something wrong, more than could be explained by bruising and swelling. The vision out of my right away was seriously skewed. Everthing tilted down at what I characterized as a 20 degree angle. Trying to walk with my right eye open and the undamaged left eye closed, I reeled like a drunken sailor, as if I were walking on a listing ship.

By noon I was in to see my GP, who looked at me with concern, heard my symptoms and told me she wasn't qualified to diagnose me. She sent me down the street to the Toronto Western Hospital, where, she said, they had a world-class opthamalogical centre.

I made my way south and soon found myself in the Emergency triage unit. I waited no more than 10 minutes before I was processed, then maybe another 45 minutes before I was seen by a doctor. This physician too was flummoxed by my symptoms and arranged for me to have a CT scan today (I'm still waiting for a call with the precise time).

Meanwhile, on Saturday, the swelling went down a lot and by Saturday evening, my vision had returned to normal. I'll still go for the scan, but I'm reasonably confident that all is well.

And I was very impressed with the care I received and the speed with which I received it. I haven't often had reason to use the emergency medical services in this city, so it was with some surprise that I experienced its efficiency, not to mention the polite and friendly staff with whom I dealt. (And, for the Yanks among you, I won't be getting a bill for any of it; thanks all the same, but I really like paying for my medical care through my taxes.)

And with that, I bid you adieu, Gentle Readers. I am off to work.

linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: sooguy
2006-02-06 03:59 pm (UTC)

Ouch!

Wow, that doesn't sound like a very enjoyable way to celebrate your birthday. Glad to hear you are recuperating. I had a friend that was similarly pummelled by some thugs and nearly lost an eye.

Did anything happen to the thug that inflicted this? Were the police called?

Have you seen "A History of Violence"? Actually, I seem to recall you wrote a very poignant review of it somewhere this fall. Anyhow my point is violence is by definition sudden, unexpected and well, violent. (As you can attest!)

I was once mugged on the Subway by some crazed lunatic high on something and I tell you that it was equally disconcerting that it came out of left field. Nothing prepares you for the swiftness of it.

So are you shopping for new glasses?
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From: bug2099
2006-02-06 04:20 pm (UTC)

Re: Ouch!

Ah, I'm sorry that you have experienced the pointless drunken brawl.
Some people just need to make themselves feel better by hurting others. What a sad state of affairs for them.
They lead pointless lives.

Hope your eye gets better quickly
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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2006-02-07 12:23 am (UTC)

Re: Ouch!

Thanks. So far, things seem to be healing nicely. I just hope there isn't anything going wrong in the background - but tomorrow's CT scan should tell the tale, one way or the other.
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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2006-02-07 12:22 am (UTC)

Re: Ouch!

No, the police weren't called. At the time I didn't think it was worth bothering with - and now, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't recognize him. In retrospect, we probably should have, but it's probably too late now.

As for the new glasses, I'm seeing an optemetrist tomorrow after work (thank god! This not being able to see thing is starting to be a real pain).
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[User Picture]From: sabotabby
2006-02-06 04:27 pm (UTC)
Holy fuck. Owww.
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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2006-02-07 12:24 am (UTC)

I'll Say

Happily, I seem to be healing nicely.
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[User Picture]From: deweyintoronto
2006-02-06 04:49 pm (UTC)
OH my! That does look nasty. Did the restaurant call the police to get the drunken buffoon's ass in the back of a squad car? Glad your vision has seemingly improved today, but you're right to continue with the checking out.

Oh, and while it seems kind of out of place given the circumstances, a belated Happy Birthday. Try to celebrate it next weekend in a buffoon-free zone.
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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2006-02-07 12:25 am (UTC)

No Cops

Thanks on the b-day wish. As you may have seen above, I decided against involving the cops at the time - and I think it's probably too late now.
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[User Picture]From: mollymolekular
2006-02-06 05:42 pm (UTC)
Oi, honey. Wish I'd been there to provide backup. (That's the thing with short little girls; they never see us coming). Feel better soon :)
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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2006-02-07 12:29 am (UTC)

Thanks ...

... but fortunately, Laura was all the back-up I needed.
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[User Picture]From: miyyu
2006-02-06 09:13 pm (UTC)
Oh my god! I'm glad you're (sort of) okay... I suppose it could have been worse, but that's just AWFUL. Please tell me you are pressing charges against the bastard.
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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2006-02-07 12:26 am (UTC)

Could Have Been *Much* Worse

As above, I decided against calling the police at the time. And I do seem to be (more than) okay, thanks. But I sure did look like hell for a while, didn't I?
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From: 10021
2006-02-06 11:03 pm (UTC)
wow, and I'd thought 41 was going to be anti-climactic.

Damn, dude, I hope it gets better soon. If you were an American, you'd instantly sue the mofo.

Can you do any of your work from home so you don't have to navigate your bicycle with no depth perception?
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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2006-02-07 12:28 am (UTC)

Depth Perception Back

I thought it would be anti-climactic, too.

There's no point in working from home (I could do some of it from here), since my biggest problem is squinting at the computer monitor and it's no better here than there.
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From: riotxsta
2006-02-07 12:41 am (UTC)
wow that's horrible. sorry about what happened, hope that eye heals just fine.

i hate violent drunks....or just drunks in general.
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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2006-02-07 12:43 am (UTC)

Thank You Kindly

Well, I've learned a valuable lesson about taking the law into my own hands, especially when there is a friendly staff who would almost certainly have turfed him had I thought to ask.
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[User Picture]From: thefuriouscynic
2006-02-07 02:36 am (UTC)
Wow. That looks painful.

BUT! It'll make for one hell of a hot bruise (scar?).
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[User Picture]From: amaaanda
2006-02-07 07:25 am (UTC)
You're such a badass.

The question is - are you going to let such an incident keep you from the caddy's delicious ribs next week?
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From: (Anonymous)
2006-02-07 09:49 pm (UTC)

Ouch!

Hope your eye heals ok! - Malcolm
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2006-02-07 11:31 pm (UTC)

Re: Ouch!

Indeed. The eye seems to be good, though it seems there's a problem with my cheek and/or nose.
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From: (Anonymous)
2006-02-08 04:50 am (UTC)

Re: Ouch!

Oh, um, Happy Birthday, too! - Guess there been better. : | - Malcolm
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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2006-02-07 11:27 pm (UTC)

Of Course Not ...

... I feel strangely untraumatized by the whole thing - so far, at least. Mind you, I just got a call from a doctor I saw today about the results of my CT scan - apparently, I'm not supposed to blow my nose if I can possibly help it.
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[User Picture]From: offermeescape
2006-02-07 10:44 pm (UTC)
Jesus christ, Geoffrey. That's so awful, man. Bullies are fucking idiots. How big was he, exactly? If it's any compensation, he probably couldn't take on someone his own size. In any event, I hope you continue to heal (physically and psychologically) from this and feel better soon. And kudos to your lady for pulling him off you like that. There's nothing better than a good woman with balls. :P
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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2006-02-07 11:30 pm (UTC)

I Don't. Know ...

Truth is, I wouldn't recognize the motherfucker. He was an annoyance, then he was a whirlwind of fists. Laura said he was probably a 200-pounder, so definitely bigger than me.

As for my psyche, unless I'm in some sort of deep-seated denial, it's doing just fine.

And amen to Laura's balls. She's a wonder, that girl, in all of her parts.
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