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3 Weeks and I'm Still a Cunt (In the bad sense of the term) - The Annals of Young Geoffrey: Hope brings a turtle [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Young Geoffrey

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3 Weeks and I'm Still a Cunt (In the bad sense of the term) [Feb. 13th, 2005|04:30 pm]
Young Geoffrey
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |The Dead, Kingswood, June 1984 - I was there, motherfuckers!]

Some time before Christmas, and before I knew Revenue Canada was about to spring a $1600.00 bill (all paid up, though it took going into more debt, thank you kindly) on me, I stopped in at my local "make"-your-own-wine shop and ordered 36 bottles of merlot.

"You can bottle it in late January", quoth the gentleman behind the counter.

It now being mid-February, and my tobacco-free nerves for some reason acting up like it was Day 3 and not Day 21 with staccato burgs of drug-lust coursing through my veins, sending my adrenaline levels into orbit, I decided it would be best if I got out of the apartment and so I dropped my bathrobe and hauled on some pants and a shirt, before donning what's left of my down-filled parka, then power-walked north along Roncesvalles.

The long, narrow store-front, chock full of pointless wine accessories was dim and seemed empty, despite the unlocked door.

"Hello ...?"

I moved toward the back, got halfway before a voice answered mine.

A young, long-haired man made his appearance. I explained that I was there to bottle my wine, that I had ordered it in December and that it was supposed to be ready mid-to-late January.

"Did David call you?"

I shook my head.

"Well, usually, we give you a call when your batch is ready."

"Nobody called me," I said. "But it's 3 weeks past when it's supposed to be ready." I gestured towards the shelves groaning under the weight of a parade of glass carboys flaunting violet liquid. "Would my name be attached to any of those?"

Long-hair shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just part-time."

"Why don't you take a look. My name's Dow." I tried to sound reasonable, but I fear my withdrawal gave my voice a desperate junky's edge; I could feel my jaw clench and my nails dug into my palms.

I took a deep breath and tucked my arms into a cross-chest, armpit fold, drawing myself to my full 5'6" (or 5'5" or 5'7" - whatever) and took a step towards the shelving and their fragile containers.

He made a show of looking, though not a good one. I doubt he actually read a single tag before returning to the illusory safety of having the counter between me and him. "I don't see it. I'll get David to call you. Tuesday morning."

My body language was far from polite but - even in my semi-lunatic state - I wasn't going to pull a Don Cherry on the poor, lying bastard.

"Fine," I gritted (yeah, yeah, I know: I grew up in the 30s, so fuck off) and offered a fed-up shake of my head by way of farewell.

I slammed my open palm into the door and hurled the door open before me, the set off down Roncesvalles before violent expletives overwhelmed my civilized facade.

Like a local lunatic, I muttered and shouted my way crosstown, to the liquor store on Brock, just one of Parkdale's regulars, except for my occasional admonitions that I was, really, making a big deal out of small change. "It's not that important, It's not that important, It's not that important, It's not that important, It's not that important ..."

Coming home from the liquor store, I picked up a video copy of Freddy Got Fingered (only $3.99, so get off my back), then stopped it at one of my former watering holes to calm down, thinking I would be safe now that smoking has been outlawed in my fair province. Little did I know that Mezzro's has chosen to allow its regulars to puff away to their heart's content.

And so I left, a little the drunk for wear, but proud I had not given in to such vicious temptation.

It's been three fucking weeks: How long, oh Lord, must I suffer?
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: sck5000
2005-02-13 10:37 pm (UTC)
If you are bored bring your Freddy over here and we'll drink and not smoke. I've never seen that movie, but Tom Green was one grade below me at my high school, and I used to know the guy who co-wrote that with him - we used to get in trouble amongst the coat-racks at his and my sister's ballet recitals. I resolved never to watch FGF until Drew Barrymore was available again, and I guess she is now.

But I also might have to watch the Grammys. If you come over, I will bet you $5 on every Grammy win.

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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2005-02-18 11:02 pm (UTC)
Sigh. Another gambling experience not lived. Nevertheless, we should talk; I still haven't seen Freddy.
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[User Picture]From: sck5000
2005-02-19 04:19 am (UTC)
Well, given how much time I have wasted on LiveJournal today (damn you, Evil Geoffrey) it seems like I am not about to do anything productive, you can come over now if you want, but it's 11:17pm and I have to warn you, I may already be drunk, and I may have to keep pausing the movie so that I can answer angry gargoyles on livejournal.

Oh God, what have I become.

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[User Picture]From: saoilsinn
2005-02-13 10:49 pm (UTC)
You are not a cunt. Well, you can be if you really want to but you're not a real cunt in my books. You are much bigger than a pack of smokes. Smoking is the cunt here. I'm just really enjoying using Cunt here.

I was a lifer. Now I'm done. You're done right?

Mezzro's is letting people smoke?
Shitty. I'm never going there again.

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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2005-02-18 11:04 pm (UTC)
I'm kind of glad Mezzro's is still letting people light up, though I won't be going back any time soon either. Still, their entire clientel and I suspect entire staff smoke, so why the hell shouldn't they be allowed to. (Yes, as convenient as it is in terms of helping me quit, I'm philosophically opposed to the anti-smoking zealotry going on.)
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[User Picture]From: queenofdemons
2005-02-14 12:12 am (UTC)
See, I'd have just intimidated the hell out of the kid and gone n looked myself. Blast it!!

So regarding the Merlot - any good? Done it from there before?
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[User Picture]From: ed_rex
2005-02-18 11:04 pm (UTC)
Done it from there before, yes; don't yet know about this batch, but the product was quite drinkable last time 'round.
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