|Young Geoffrey: Blind or Stupid? Debate Rages, Scientists Urge More Funding for More Studies
||[Apr. 4th, 2008|09:14 pm]
"I sensed something was wrong when I approached the house" Young Geoffrey explained. "I arrived an hour or more after the party was supposed to have started and the place looked pretty quiet, deserted almost. Still, there were three buzzers and the invite didn't specify a floor, so I thought maybe everyone was on the third."|
Quite far outside his usual experience in recent times, Young Geoffrey had been invite to a party, the 20th birthday celebration of one of his Livejournal Friends. Though his hermatose nature had him feeling insecure he had decided to attend and cycled through Toronto's dark and rain-slick streets from his Parkdale Cave to the wonders of Spadina and Harbord's University of Toronto student gheto.
"Well," he continued, "I set down my box of beer in a safe place on the porch and went back to the street to double-check the address. Sure enough, the numbers matched and so I marched back up the steps and buzzed, first the second floor and second the third, since the first was clearly unoccupied, its inhabitants no doubt debauching at one of Bloor Streets many fine, fine, student-oriented establishments. But I digress," he apologized.
Presently, a casually-dressed man of no more than 30 years answered the door, Young Geoffrey told this reporter. He asked if this was S___'s place and was told, "It is, but I don't think she's home."
And such proved to be the case. "I knocked, and the house-mate called her name, but there was no answer. He told me he thought the party was on the 11th."
And so it was that Young Geoffrey took his offering in hand, returned to his bicycle and made his way home, muttering about what an idiot he was.
But was he?
Though he confirmed he had somehow confused the digit, 4, with the digits 11, scientists differ as to whether his mistake was due to inherent stupidity or merely to his failing eyesight and the state of his three year-old, badly-scuffed, plastic correctional lenses.
"We know Young Geoffrey is stupid," said Dr. Janice Killpeter of the University of Toronto Medical School, "but there is no proof that is innate stupidity is the direct cause of this latest in a long line of his gaffes. More study is needed," she said, and added, "But his eyes were good enough to try to get a look down my blouse at our last consultation, so I think it would be preposterous for him to blame his failing eyesight!"
On the other hand, Ryerson University's Department of Mongolian Studies, Dr. Lawrence Strokeego, is convinced that Young Geoffrey's eyesight is the culprit. "It's a well-know, well-established fact that eye-sight deteriorates with age, and Young Geoffrey is now well into his late youth," said Dr. Strokeego. "And furthermore, his glasses are three years old and badly scuffed, as he was coerced into purchasing plastic rather than glass lenses the last time he upgraded his eye-ware. Therefore, this latest in his long line of public humiliations is clearly due to a problem with his vision. But at this point in time, it is impossible to definitively determine whether the root cause is due to his biologic or to his industrial lenses. More study is clearly needed." Dr. Strokeego then added, "His behaviour on Friday night was certainly not due to stupidity, for Young Geoffrey's intelligence has been tested at the highest levels known to humankind."
When contacted by this reporter, Young Geoffrey's mother said only, "Oh ... Geoffrey!" and slammed the door.